Archive - Mortified

I Embalm the Grandparents

Unfortunately, there’s something uncomfortable at the center of this piece, and I’d like to start by dealing with it, so no one feels weird while…

Feb 28 •

November 2023

My Experience with the Flying Dutchman

And I don’t mean legendary Indiana Pacers center, Rik Smits

Nov 15, 2023 •

September 2023

If This Were a Movie, I'd be Dead Now

I write this from Nowitzki’s, Dirk Nowitzki’s restaurant in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport, waiting for my order of loaded fries. Understand, I know…

Sep 9, 2023 •

August 2023

Death and I are Work Friends

We don't, like, hang out.

Aug 3, 2023 •

May 2023

Let Anne T. Donahue Tell You About Happiness

A couple of weeks ago, in the midst of various life discomforts, I was catching up on some internet reading when something crossed my screen that…

May 17, 2023 •

So What if They're Fake Songs!

5 Songs Made for Movies or TV That Need to Become Funeral Regulars Immediately

May 10, 2023 •

April 2023

Mortuary College Gets Its Revenge

I guess mortuary college wasn’t happy that I was writing a series on it without asking because suddenly I received three brand new course assignments at…

Apr 3, 2023 •

March 2023

My Friend's Roommate's Laser Tag Party

Mortuary College Part 3

Mar 27, 2023 •

The Stork Has Visited My Little Substack Abode

Hello, everyone! There’s something new, and I want to tell you about it before anyone else (besides the people who have read any of my social media…

Mar 24, 2023 •

Move-in Day (feat. Clint from Tullahoma)

Mortuary College Part 2

Mar 20, 2023 •

We Built a Head

Mortuary College Part 1

Mar 13, 2023 •

Mortified 2: Return of Mortified

A little over a year ago, the Mortified you’ve all come to know and love(?) disappeared without warning. Now it's back.

Mar 6, 2023 •

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