Archive - Mortified

I Embalm the Grandparents

Unfortunately, there’s something uncomfortable at the center of this piece, and I’d like to start by dealing with it, so no one feels weird while…

Feb 28, 2024 •

November 2023

My Experience with the Flying Dutchman

And I don’t mean legendary Indiana Pacers center, Rik Smits

Nov 15, 2023 •

September 2023

If This Were a Movie, I'd be Dead Now

I write this from Nowitzki’s, Dirk Nowitzki’s restaurant in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport, waiting for my order of loaded fries. Understand, I know…

Sep 9, 2023 •

August 2023

Death and I are Work Friends

We don't, like, hang out.

Aug 3, 2023 •

May 2023

Let Anne T. Donahue Tell You About Happiness

A couple of weeks ago, in the midst of various life discomforts, I was catching up on some internet reading when something crossed my screen that…

May 17, 2023 •

So What if They're Fake Songs!

5 Songs Made for Movies or TV That Need to Become Funeral Regulars Immediately

May 10, 2023 •

April 2023

Mortuary College Gets Its Revenge

I guess mortuary college wasn’t happy that I was writing a series on it without asking because suddenly I received three brand new course assignments at…

Apr 3, 2023 •

March 2023

My Friend's Roommate's Laser Tag Party

Mortuary College Part 3

Mar 27, 2023 •

The Stork Has Visited My Little Substack Abode

Hello, everyone!

Mar 24, 2023 •

Move-in Day (feat. Clint from Tullahoma)

Mortuary College Part 2

Mar 20, 2023 •

We Built a Head

Mortuary College Part 1

Mar 13, 2023 •

Mortified 2: Return of Mortified

A little over a year ago, the Mortified you’ve all come to know and love(?) disappeared without warning. Now it's back.

Mar 6, 2023 •

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